When I really should have just gone to bed

Shit, what am I doing? I'm talking to Clint again but I'm firm and guarded as I provoke him a little. Part of me wants to make him talk and the other part of me just wants to see how far I cant push it. Perhaps not a good idea given that we haven't talked in a long time. Maybe a part of me just wants him to get mad at me so he doesn't feel regret for anything.

after all this is a message I received from him just before I started to provoke him:


Date:
Thu Feb 3, 2011 12:58 am
Subject:
Re: No Subject
I hope she knows I feel bad about what happened. I wanted to talk about it with her beforehand, but time was running out and I needed to make a decision. Some days I even regret it, if I'm being completely honest.

I think, I need to ......swallow

This is crazy insane! I've been talking to Clint via nexopia for just over the last two hours. Not only that.....I started the conversation. I must admit a part of me didnt exspect hime to answer at alll, and yet 99.3% of me knew he would. Because that is the man I know. And so we talk, about everything and anything................wait no, that not true, it is another clever deception of my mind. I cant, I cant bring myself to tell him now what I've been want so desperatly to tell him in person for the last week or so, I just cant do it. I part of my wonders why, and a part of my knows damn well.

Breakaway

Wow! what a day. Now I know I wont be able to get that song out of my head, it's stuck. **laughs out loud** Guess there's nothing to do my post the lyrics to my new theme sone here in my blog



BREAKAWAY


[Intro:][×2]
Da da da'd da da
Da da da'd da da
Da da da'd da da da da

[Verse 1:]
Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out my window
Dreamin' of what could be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray
Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I prayed I could breakaway

[chorus]
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I love
I'll take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway
Da da da'd da da
Da da da'd da da
Da da da'd da da da da

[Verse 2:]
Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get on board a fast train
Travel on a jetplane, far away
And breakaway

[chorus]
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
I won't forget all the ones that I love
I gotta take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway

[Bridge:]
Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging round revolving doors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me
But, gotta keep moving on, moving on
Fly away, breakaway

[chorus 2]
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye, gotta
Take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway
Breakaway
Breakaway...




-by: Kelly Clarkson

Wide eyed in wonder

Everything is happening so fast, yet the minutes seem strangely like hours. I don't want to blink, I wont run away.....the rainbow dazzles the eyes.

Home, is where the heart is ......Where is the heart?

As I drove home this evening, I must admit I had too many consecutive silent minutes to think. Yet all at once as my mind stumbled and tumbled and tied its self into a knot by the time I got home; realized that I didn't have enough minutes after all. Hmmmmmmm, sad panda ^-_-^

I went to the "sea" to search for what I could "C" but I did not find what I was looking for. I hope I will soon, before too much water passes between.

Early Morning Dove

Seven new holes have found there way into my arm, I had no idea how many needle vaccination children go through during their childhood. How lovely that I need to catch up quickly (rolls eyes). My arms arms are pretty sore, but truthfully that's not what I came to blog about.

Yes, it is early in the morning but I have yet to go to bed since yesterday. I've thought about this day long before it's arrival. What I would do, what I would say and how I would say it. Sitting here now feel almost strange knowing that before I watch the next day break things may be different. But for now there is one person yet to tell, and I feel in heart that it should be done properly.........face to face. I will seek him shortly before my evening meal with the grandparents. With empty hands and an olive branch in my heart.

Shuffle

Just another paper shuffle for a paper heart.