When I really should have just gone to bed

Shit, what am I doing? I'm talking to Clint again but I'm firm and guarded as I provoke him a little. Part of me wants to make him talk and the other part of me just wants to see how far I cant push it. Perhaps not a good idea given that we haven't talked in a long time. Maybe a part of me just wants him to get mad at me so he doesn't feel regret for anything.

after all this is a message I received from him just before I started to provoke him:


Date:
Thu Feb 3, 2011 12:58 am
Subject:
Re: No Subject
I hope she knows I feel bad about what happened. I wanted to talk about it with her beforehand, but time was running out and I needed to make a decision. Some days I even regret it, if I'm being completely honest.

I think, I need to ......swallow

This is crazy insane! I've been talking to Clint via nexopia for just over the last two hours. Not only that.....I started the conversation. I must admit a part of me didnt exspect hime to answer at alll, and yet 99.3% of me knew he would. Because that is the man I know. And so we talk, about everything and anything................wait no, that not true, it is another clever deception of my mind. I cant, I cant bring myself to tell him now what I've been want so desperatly to tell him in person for the last week or so, I just cant do it. I part of my wonders why, and a part of my knows damn well.